What’s Mine? What’s Yours?
By Staff Writer: Theresa Chaze
It’s my belief that ever person you meet in your life is a
lesson. Sometimes they are teachers; some times they are the
lesson. The later sometimes appear in your life simply as a test of
your ability to keep your boundaries. There are people, who for
whatever reason, are incapable of taking responsibility for their
lives. No matter what errors of judgment they make, it is never
their fault. Instead they make excuses or place blame on outside
influences, not in attempt to learn or grow from the experience but
to elicit sympathy and pity. They don’t seek help because they
don’t want it. They would prefer to host pity parties so they may
lure others into their web. They are a unique kind of vampire. Not
only do they steal energy, but they dump their emotional waste
wherever they can find a person who will accept it. When dealing
with this type of individual your challenge is to be able to strong
enough not to get caught up in the game.
Through an acquaintance I was introduced to one online. She
asked me to talk to her friend; I will call him Alvin. I had been
involved in a discussion within an egroup that we both belong to. I
didn’t understand why she and Alvin thought his AIDS meds were so
dangerous that he quit taking them. She wanted me to talk to him; I
was in the middle of lunch, but agreed, thinking it would be a short
conversation. She connected us in an online chat with audio and
video from his end only. His computer set up was bigger than I had
seen. He had most of the bells and whistles available. He was
definitely a computer geek. Which these days is a very good thing.
He seemed intelligent and computer knowledgeable. Which confused me
even more about his stance on the drugs which could not only extend
his life but improve the quality.
The conversation started not with the AIDS meds but with how
abused he was not only in his childhood but by the medical
professionals in his area. He claimed the only AIDS doctor in town
sexually abused him and the police refused to get involved. I don’t
know if that is true or not. There are still many areas in the
country who do not have the knowledge or wisdom to deal with
alterative lifestyles or the challenges that come with them. I
suggested he move to an area that would be medically beneficial for
him. His brother, who was also HIV positive, visited with the idea
of moving in, however he immediately returned San Francisco after
investigating the health care of the area; the health standards were
significantly better there. Although he said his brother invited
him, Alvin didn’t want to move.
The topic suddenly jumped to his inability get a job because
he couldn’t get a driver’s license due to a childhood incident. The
accident caused him a brain injury which caused sudden and
unexpected loss consciousness. I suggested he have the tests run
again to prove that he was healthy.. He told me that the condition
was still active and that is why the doctors wouldn’t medically
approve him. Personally, I think that is a very good thing not to
have someone behind the wheel who could pass out and lose control of
the vehicle. I suggested buses or cabs for transportation. He
didn’t to wait for a bus and cabs were too expensive. Okay, if
transportation is limited–work inside your home. He’s a geek; do a
geek job–computer programming or repair. He complained that they
didn’t make as much as they used to. He also didn’t want to build a
home based business. He didn’t say why, but changed the topic to
how terrible his life is and all the medical symptoms that go with
it. I pointed out that if he took his meds his life would improve
and he could get a job, which would help build his self esteem and
contribute to an over all healthier life. He told me I was a
heartless bitch and I didn’t know what I was talking about. At his
point, he got angry and cut his mic, but he continued to type.
You see where I am going with this. Every positive
suggestion that was made he found an excuse to shoot it down. This
short conversation was rapidly turning into a cold lunch and a pity
party. I simply wasn’t interested, so I started turning it back on
him. I accused him of giving up. His response was to get
angrier. I knew nothing about him or his life so I had no right to
judge. He was right. On the reverse, he knew nothing about me, so
he had no reason to care what I thought. I didn’t know him and
after our conversation I didn’t want to. At this point I blessed
him and went to warm up my lunch so I could finish it. From the
other room I could hear him instant messaging me, but I ignored him.
I finished lunch, straightened three rooms, checked in on neighbor’s
dog and took a shower. Every now and then I would look in. He
alternated between accusing me of be cruel and asking me to help
him. At one point, he declared he was going to block me from his
system. He kept talking for almost an hour. After I dried my hair,
I went back to the computer, but I only briefly read the garbage he
was dumping before I blocked him from my system. A while later, the
woman, who introduced us, contacted me to chastised me for upsetting
him. Before she could go into the details of how badly I hurt him,
I blessed her and blocked her from my system.
He wasn’t looking for help or support, but another person to
feed off. When he didn’t gain what he wanted through pity, he tried
guilt and anger to achieve access to my energy. He couldn’t succeed
because he couldn’t engage me emotionally. By not allowing myself
to be bonded to him by pity or angry, I escaped without being
harmed. I was sorry that he was ill and that he had other terrible
events in his life, but it wasn’t up to me to fix them. Sometimes
the best way to help is to not get involved. For a while I asked
why me he had contacted me? I’m not a medical professional; in
fact I have very limited medical knowledge. The contact person and I
only knew each other from the online group. It’s not like were are
close friends. The only thing I could come up with was that he was
a boundary lesson for me. Alvin didn’t want to be healthy, he
wanted lunch. Sympathy, pity, guilt and anger were his way of
leaching on to others.
A friend of mine was not so lucky. Myriam met a vampire
through her work. The woman was having difficulty starting her
business. Myriam, being the kind hearted woman she is, offered to
help her build a website. It was a mistake. Over the next few
weeks, her unreasonable demands and expectations were enough to stir
Myriam’s anger. But being an honorable women, she felt the need to
keep her word and finish the site. However this was not as easy as
it sounds. The women kept changing her mind about what she wanted.
Instead of immediately confronting her, Myriam became emotionally
engaged; the woman caught her in her vampire web. Soon after Myriam
started to become physically and emotionally ill. Existing
challenges with depression flared and was magnified by exhaustion
and physical pain she couldn’t account for. Even after she ended
the relationship with the vampire the symptoms continued. It was
only after seeking help from a psychic healer was Myriam able to
free herself. The cords were removed and Myriam set new shields. .
However the vampire moved on to others in the company. Since the
attacks are on a non physical level and can’t be proven, she can not
be dismissed from the company without legal ramifications. Instead
Myriam is helping others to release and shield themselves from the
vampire’s tentacles.
Once she was free, Myriam could look at the relationship and
the person with a little more objectivity. There was more involved
than just the energy drain; in fact the vampirism was merely a
symptom of other personality and emotional problems. Myriam
believes that the vampire might not even be aware of what she is
doing to others, but instead it is coping defense she developed over
the years to deal with other challenges in her life. Many times
vampires have physical, emotional or personality disorders that have
not be addressed therefore go untreated. Instability in hormone
levels, physical or sexual abuse, and addiction are only a few
examples of what could lead to a person to become a vampire.
Anytime a person loses the ability to restore themselves they risk
becoming an energy leach. In my case, I would not be emotionally
connected either by pity or guilt so he could not tap into me.
Myriam, on the other hand, knew the person before the attack began
therefore she was a level of trust that the vampire used to gain
entry. This doesn’t mean that you should barrier yourself behind
high walls and be afraid to trust, but that you should be select in
what kinds of relationships you will allow in your life. It the
relationship is not positive and healthy, it should be terminated.
What is a vampire? Normally there is a free exchange of
energy between people; however when the energy moves in only one
direction and is taken without permission that is vampirism.
Frequently during healings, energy flows in one direction, however
it is shared with the full knowledge and free will of both parties.
To steal another’s energy is detrimental to all involved. Although
the initial rush is wonderful for the vampire, it keeps him or her
from dealing with the reasons behind their inability to restore
themselves. Eventually they will no longer be capable of
rebuilding themselves and will be completely dependant on others.
As long as the attacks are temporary, the victims can recover;
however long term relationships will lead to physical, emotional,
and spiritual illness as the person becomes drained beyond their own
capacity to heal themselves. The more frequently the person is fed
upon, the more open they become, making it more difficult for them
to escape as they sink to the same level as the vampire.
So how do you know if there is a vampire in your mist? They
don’t have a “V” stamped on their forehead, nor do they have long
canine teeth. You can’t point them out of a crowd by just looking,
unless you are a very gifted psychic and know what you are looking
for. Instead you see them by the wake they leave behind. Chaos,
anger, illness, and exhaustion is what follows them. They create
drama to heighten the emotions and connect as may people as
possible. They don’t look or present themselves the same. But the
results are similar. They walk away energized, while everyone else
is tired, depressed or ill.
The old saying once bitten, twice shy is how you should deal
with a vampire. Until you have bitten, you can’t for sure know that
is what you are dealing with. However once you have the encounter
there are steps you can take to protect yourself. If at all
possible, distance yourself from the person. In Myriam’s case, it
was more difficult; they both work for the same company. In mine,
there was no problem at all: I simply blocked him from my computer–
end of story. The best defense is to take care of yourself–eat
well, exercise, get enough sleep, and respect your own boundaries.
If it feels icky, it probably is and it’s time to hit the road
jack. Openly confronting the vampire will only lead to defensive
and angry behaviors. Many of which will give the vampire another
reason to attack you. However if you don’t allow yourself to become
emotionally involved either through compassion or anger, you should
be able to walk away without renaming yourself “lunch". This
doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel compassion for others, but be
honest about the situation. At one time or another everyone feels
sorry for themselves, but they don’t get stuck there. Everyone has
their personal challenges and they look for solutions both inside
and outside the box. Vampires don’t want solutions; they don’t want
their situation to change. The bottom line is they do not want to
take responsibility for themselves for whatever reason. Instead
they blame others and expect them to fix the problem. However the
reality is that the only ones we can fix or change is ourselves. We
can offer support and encourage others, but we can not solve their
challenges for them. When we cross the line and try to fix them, we
deprive ourselves and the other of the life’s lesson. So the best
way to deal with a vampire is to play the cards we are dealt and let
others do the same. You can give advise on the game, but in the end
we are only responsible for the cards in our own hand.