What are Children?
By Staff Writer: Theresa Chaze
Children are people too. What a radical concept. But it is a notion that many people have difficulty understanding. Children aren’t possessions. They aren’t cheap labor. They aren’t accessories, nor are they clones of the parents. But more importantly, children are not retirement plans. Children are individuals with their own needs, desires and destinies. Once they enter the world and take their first breath they become independent of their parents. They genetically linked, but in reality they are no longer dependant on them or their wishes. Any person could just as easily provide the necessities of life for the child; there doesn’t need to be a genetic link between them in order for the adult to care for the child.
What is a child? It is the body the parents create or is the body merely the vehicle the Divinely created soul occupies while it exists on earth? If the parents created the child, then why are children so frequently completely different from them and their siblings? Wouldn’t genetics set limitations on the personalities, dreams and desires of the child, making the future generations merely clones of the past? Many people wish this to be so, but that is not the case in real life. In spite of many parents wishes and best efforts their progeny find their own paths in life. Children of laborers become talented artists, scientists, and many other intellectual paths. Yet there are children of talented singers who can’t carry a tune in a basket with two handles or offspring of doctors who faint at the sight of blood. Being related does not guarantee there will be a meeting of minds or a love bond, nor does it preclude non-genetically connected people from forming unbreakable family connections.
There is a passage in the bible that states the God knew you before you were born and will know you after your death. The implication being that souls are Divinely create therefore are immortal. It is the bases of the reincarnation theories that are found in many religions. All faiths believe the soul exists after death, but they differ on what happens to it. Even though there is this diversity of thought, there is one constant; souls survive death. Beyond this concept is where the dogma separates them. Many believe in a heaven specifically created by their idea of God, where souls go to wait an appointed time. Yet there are those that believe that each life is merely a link in a chain of lives designed for a soul to learn on its path of enlightenment. No matter which of the beliefs are held to be true, they are all based on the undeniable fact that souls are independent beings. So how can parents claim ownership? They created the body; that is a fact. But the important part, the soul inside is unique onto itself.
In the past, children were brought into the world not out of love but for the good of the family or to benefit the country. When agriculture was the primary industry, large families were the norm. Having children was a way to provide a cheap labor force. As they grew into adulthood they became more of an asset. Eventually when they reached adulthood, they married. However, whether it was the blood family or with the in-laws, they rarely went far from one of the family homesteads. Future children were expected to follow the same destiny as multi-generations became intertwined to work the land. In the elite part of society, children were seen as bargaining chips to gain fortune or political power. Marriages were arranged to make alliances and stabilized political relationships. Love was not a factor, nor were the wishes of the children involved. It was not uncommon for children to be forced to participate in the patriarchal plan, which was based on a single person‘s or a small group‘s agenda. Whether it be marriage or to serve the church, the child was not given options. Defiance could very easily mean death. In either case, children were treated as possessions, created solely for the use of the patriarch.
Times have changed, but not so greatly as some people may wish to believe. Children are no longer forced into labor or are pawns on the world chest board, but they are not free beings either. Today they are fashions accessories. Trinkets for the well established to show off their wealth with their designer clothes and expensive cars. Raised by nannies, the children and the parents rarely spend time together. The children’s lives are organized and scheduled to promote the maximum amount of exposure and prestige to the parents. Soccer, music, dance or karate classes are organized by the parents, leaving very little free time for the child to simply play. Sporting events are no longer for the enjoyment of the child, but satisfy the parent’s arrogance and self importance. That is why there are more battles in the stands between the parents than on the sports fields with the players. On the other end of the spectrum, children are also a way for parents to gain income. The more children they produce, the more welfare the state will give the parents. Many of the children remain uncared for and unsupervised, because the parents have little interest in them beyond providing themselves with the necessities of life. Instead of looking for ways to work their way out of poverty, they continue to reproduce, disregarding the harm they cause to those they brought into this world. Frequently the destructive cycle is pasted on from generation to generation as the children are never taught that they have other options.
Still other parents see their offspring as clones of themselves–mirrors to reflect their own beliefs or way of life; their children are not individuals, but a way for the parents to attain their own desires, dreams or political agendas. . These are the stage parents, who force their children in to pageants or into careers without a thought to what the child wishes or needs. There are also the parents that take the lives of their children so personally that they no longer see themselves as separate beings. Independent thoughts or actions are seen as personal attack on the parent and are quickly quashed. On one episode of her show, Oprah was talking to gay teens and their parents. One mother felt a part of herself die when she learned that her daughter was a lesbian. For years she refused to accept her daughter’s sexuality because it was in conflict with her own dream of how her daughter should live. In the mother’s eyes, it was more about herself than her daughter’s vision of the future. It nearly destroyed their relationship as the daughter refused to give up who she was to satisfy her mother. On the same show, a teen boy described how his mother had kicked him out of the family home when she learned he was gay, forcing him to live on the streets So it is with many others who live through their children; they are simply unable to accept the autonomous choices of their children. Whether it’s religion, lifestyle, career or the willingness to reproduce, honor thy father and mother does not mean that the child must forfeit their own needs and desires.
In addition, children are not retirement plans. People, who have children to simply have someone care for them in their twilight years, have a rude surprise coming. If you want security for you old age get a 401k or another financial plan. Having children is no guarantee that they will be able to meet you needs when you are no longer able to do so. Sometimes children die before their parents. Sometimes they move away and severed contact. Sometimes their living situation does not leave room to care for a disabled parent, especially if there are medical or financial issues in their lives. The parents who have not honored their child’s needs and desires early in life shouldn’t expect to find an open door later when they need assistance. Whether they are unable or unwilling, children do not have to disrupt their lives to care for a parent who didn’t have the forethought to plan for the future. Nor should the parent expect their offspring to do so just because they happen to be genetically linked. If the bonds between them were not forged in love and respect but in need, guilt, and manipulation, then the expectation of care and support are an illusion.
Parents need to ask themselves–do car manufactures control where the cars they make go or does the person behind the wheel chose which horizon to reach for. Although the parents do created the bodies for their children, it is the souls, which inhabit them, who own them. Being part of the Divine, souls are non-corporal and unable to directly interact with the learning possibilities of the physical realm. This is why bodies are created. Like a good parent, the Divine created a way for its fledglings to learn independence and grow in knowledge. Earth and the thousands of other worlds are the schools for souls. By incarnating, they are able to experience the challenges and lessons of the physical world that are unattainable in the spiritual realms. They make mistakes. They have their successes. All of which is designed for them to become wiser and more enlightened. The bottom line is–the Divine creates souls; people merely create the vehicles in which souls transport themselves from challenge to challenge. If the Divine does not claim ownership, how can a mere mortal do so?
To be a parent is to guide and protect the child as she or he finds their best and highest good. All options should be presented and expectations limited to what is best for the child. What the parents wants or needs are secondary. If a person is unwilling to accept an independent being into his or her life, who could quite likely have different goals and desires, than instead of reproducing or adopting an animal, they should consider adopting a pet rock.