Letter to the Goddess #4: Breaking the Cycle
By Staff Writer: Paganus Greybeard
Goddess:
It’s sunny & warm here.
At least - for the present moment as I hand-write these
words it’s sunny and warm. {03/13/2006}
{As I sit here and keyboard these words it’s darkly cloudy,
windy and threatening to rain…..}{03/31/2006}
As I handwrite these words {03/13/2006} it’s very cold and
overcast in Montpelier, In. As the Mystress Herself told me -
it was so cold upstairs - in ‘Her’ room - that She had to move
the ‘puter unit downstairs. It was so cold in that house you
could see your breath. That is a very cold house!
Progress was made on Palm Springs Festival.
I was able to go for the final day - on the Sanctus.
It meant a negotiated compromise - but I did manage to
salvage something of the weekend. It was good weekend.
Till - of course - We got to the picking-up/cleaning-up & packing-up.
That was - as it always is - a chore. Very heavy solid oak tables
and benches, chairs and crates. Tents to break down and stow.
Lots of work to be done in a very short amount of time.
But that is why I went down to Palm Springs. I was not really
there for the activities during the day - though I contributed far
more than I did last year. I was there for the labour/work party.
With considerable effort We were packed up and on the road in two hours
and seven minutes. For this Guild - not bad at all…..
Mondae We met back at the the “Koroneburg” site and unloaded and
unpacked everything that stayed there.
That was another two hours of effort and labour.
I thank You, Goddess for the chance to offer My assistance and services
to the Guild.
It was greatly appreciatedby the Guild….
{03/24/2006}
Yes, Goddess - I am better.
I am much better.
My personal & internal ’storms’ have - for the moment - passed.
I know I have used - in earlier Letters - the term ‘Nightmare’ to
describe my ‘life’. I know that for some that that may be a very
inaccurate use of the term. I know, accept and understand this.
‘Nightmare’ may not be - in any real sense - accurate at all for my ‘life’.
Why?
Why is ‘Nightmare’ quite possibly not accurate or proper for my ‘life’?
Let’s examine that briefly for the explanation…..
I am NOT - : Dying of starvation & hunger in Dharfhur.
Poking my helmeted head up out of the bombed-into-rubble
remnants of a Mosque in Iraq or Afghanistan
A ‘political’ prisoner in Chile
An inner-city ill-educated black male youth in the U.S.
Dying of AIDS in Sub-Saharan Africa
A declared ‘apostate’ in Afghanistan, Iran or Iraq
A privately employed ‘Security Officer’ in Southern California.
I am none of these things.
So why then is my ‘life’ - such as it can be considered and described -
described as a ‘Nightmare’?
My ‘life’ - in this family and household - is very slow-motion.
What might take weeks or months to achieve and accomplish for another
might well take Me months and years.
I have no employment.
I have no ‘earned’ income.
I am not living on my own.
I ‘live’ here in the Family Residence.
I am 48 years old.
I am very well aware that in certain societies and cultures this is
not a negative in any possible way. Rather - for some - it is
thought to be a great blessing. I am still at home to aid and assist
the Family. The fact that I would be - in very great measure -
’sacrificing’ My own ‘life’ for what is required by the family is never thought of or even
considered. This is My ‘life’. Where else would I be? What else would I doing?
However - in equally great measure - and with no disrespect to anyone or
any societal, cultural tradition and belief - I cannot and do not see My
situation in that light and in those terms.
I see myself as the youngest child.
I am the youngest child.
The child who did not escape the Family nest.
How then - do I escape this situation?
Money.
I need to earn money.
Money means employment.
Employment means the paycheck.
The paycheck means the missing money.
the employment also means risking my ‘escape’ -
IF It can ever even happen - later…..
It’s a very pedestrian and quite ‘mundane’ situation.
It’s a very ‘mundane’ ‘nightmare’.
Yes - it may not even be - even for ‘mundanian’ situations
much of a ‘nightmare’.
Clearly - I understand, accept and acknowledge that.
My ’storms’ - for the immediate, present moment - have passed.
Such may not be said for the Mystress.
A seriously severe bout of dark and nasty dreams has so unsettled Her
She reportedly is seriously considering chucking it all and -
‘…going mundane….’. For the Mystress to tell Me this -
in strictest, personal confidence - is rather astounding.
It clearly now appears that the ‘problems’ of January have not been
solved and dealt with.
My ‘nightmare’ is quite ‘mundane’. It is not of the psychic, occult and
spiritual realms. A common and very ‘mundane’ ‘paycheck’ will go far to
solving my difficulties.
A ‘mundanian’ ‘paycheck’ will not solve psychic, occult or spiritual
realm difficulties.
Working through a Manager on the temporal, mundane level/realm will
result in a paycheck that will in turn help solve temporal, mundane
realm difficulties.
Working through one’s Guides, Guardians & Muses is required in matters
of the psychic, occult and spiritual realms.
Working with one’s Guides, Guardians and Muses is often complicated,
difficult and confusing. When you deal with your Guides & Guardians
you are dealing with Spirits. Some of these Spirits may be Family
Ancestors. In some societies and cultures this is expected.
Some may be Spectres of future or alternative lives/selves.
Spirits may not all be of and from the ‘Positive-White-Light’.
Some may very easily be - and clearly may well be - of the
‘Negative-Black-Darkness’. Only by experience can one hope to
learn and discern the difference. Sometimes - as mere humble ‘human’
mortals - one cannot tell or know the difference.
Darkness can - and has - masqueraded as the Light. What appears to
be the Light may not always be the Light. The Light - in order to
teach a lesson or make a needed point - can and often does work through
means and methods that can seem and appear to be of the Dark.
Sometimes lessons must be taught.
Lessons must be learned.
Messages must be sent and received.
Even as a mere “Magus-In-Training” I have learned and know that.
Goddess - You made very sure I learned that!
Dreams can be and are a prime mode and means of communication to and
from the Occult Realms. Occult - as I know and use the term - is that of
‘hidden’ or ‘obscured’ or ‘concealed’. The Realm of the Guides,
Guardians and Muses is - for the most part - ‘hidden’ and ‘obscured’
from our mortal view, comprehension and understanding.
Sometimes the lesson taught and the messages communicated are not
pleasant.
Sometimes they are very far from pleasant. I’ve had some very dark and
black dreams. Watching ‘myself’ be killed through the eyes, ears and
perceptions of the ’self’ being killed comes readily to mind. As
shattering and unsettling as that recent dream was - it was dealt with.
I was told what to do to break the cycle of the dream.
I followed the Guidance of my Guides & Guardians.
That dream is now only a rapidly fading memory.
How did I ‘defeat’ the ‘death-dream’?
I reached over and held my pewter & crystal wand. The wand has not left
my presence since that night - and that authentic ‘nightmare’.
Goddess - that is how I ‘defeated’ my dream.
I cannot expect the Mystress to do the same.
Our situations are quite seperate and unique.
I was shaken for a few days afterwards.
That was to be expected.
She is now being shaken - and disrupted - by Her dreams.
How do I help/assist Her in Breaking this Dream Cycle?
For this clearly sounds and feels like a Dream Cycle.
How do I do whatever it is that might needs be done?
I need to ‘listen’ to my Guides, Guardians and Muses.
I need to ‘hear’ their Guidance and instruction.
So I shall ‘listen’ and ‘hear’.
So I shall share what I thusly learn….
{To Be Continued/Completed……}